The Soulbird Perch is a reader supported space. To become a paid subscriber, Go to the substack.com site (NOT the app!) THANK YOU FOR READING MY 💜 And Forgive any Typos or grammatical errors … I’m just in my flow. Love, India
This week, I’ve been detoxing from sugar. LORD it’s been hard lol … But my health is calling for it. And one thing I forgot about detox, is the emotion and memories that also come to the surface to be purged.
In this process I’ve realized, that some of the “truth’s” I hold about myself are not in fact true ( anymore?)
This conversation started with Coffee.
for YEARS, I was missing a cheat code.
COFFEE.
In the music industry, we have lots of consecutive late nights and early mornings. It can last for weeks, months, … and for some even years. But in the end, it really becomes a part of your personality. WE ALL DO IT. ( more on that in a moment) I didn’t realize until 2021,
TWENTY YEARS AFTER MY FIRST TOUR,
that everybody on my team was fueled by coffee.
Except me.
The whole world is in fact fueled by coffee. Michael Pollan’s (
) GREAT! Book, “How To Change Your Mind” is about the history and therapeutic use of Psychedelics. Michael said quitting and coming back to coffee was the MOST IMPACTFUL DRUG OF ALL. He also wrote an audible original production about CAFFEINE. In 2021 as I drove about Seattle, listening to “How To Change Your Mind” for a week, Michale helped me to see that I was missing the energizing benefits of coffee, I was also missing the coffee culture. And Here I was wondering why everyone around me wasn’t AS TIRED as I ALWYAS was. “How To Change Your Mind” helped me to see why everyoneliterally everyone I toured and spend long studio hours with,
NEEDED. their. coffee.
As a non-coffee drinker, I just didn’t get it. And I would get SO irritated listening to people obsess. I remember yelling one day lol … “ COFFEE COFFEE COFEE!! STOP TALKING ABOUT COFFEEEEE! LOL and I was in a parking garage and it echoed all over the place.
And I MEANT IT.
Because I just didn’t GET it.
Or do I ?
And thats the rub. While I was not fuled by coffee, over the course of my very exhausting career, I was fueled by … sugar. And I Likely got my fair share of caffeine from chocolate. A Poor vegan diet is FULL of carbs.
Which leads to my second anssumption about myself. “I eat clean”
I would say that often when I was asked about my diet. And, I was being HONEST.
Just not with myself.
Cause … do I eat clean?
Actually no, I had a VEGAN diet. Not a CLEAN one.
I was under nourished.
Over fed and under nourished.
Which leads to my third anssumption about myself! I’m tired all the time because I’m a highly emphatic and energetically porous being. Well YES, this is very true. ALSO TRUE, is that I was not properly NOURISHED. That would make anyone tired.
Which leads to my fourth anssumptionn about myself.
“I’m an introvert”
And YES, but also … if I’m under nourished, how would I actually interact?
And ALSO, being in an industry with people who dont share my quiet consititution would make me recoil. I flower when I’m around other thoughtful, quiet, spiritual people. So, I guess I’m just not with the like minded people enough.
This one is blowing my mind.
Fifth assumption about myself: I’m A NIGHT OWL
Or do I just need night time to have some space from the over extroverted world I live in?
Or Is it my over taxed nervous system? I’ve been a wound up introvert, playing full out in the music industry for 20 years. So maybe night time isnt my favorite time, but rather the best time I could be in some CLEAN ENERGY? And also, most concerts happen at night.
When I started this detox, I thought i was doing so because, I’d just been eating too much over this last five post Covid years. But I’ve been eating sugar every day multiple times a day all day my whole adult life. In the form of carbs and actual sugar. By the time I was a working adult, I was desperately tired, drained, and I fueled myself desperately on sugar.
Now, Going back to this coffee conversation for a moment, what I now see is that noooooo … I was not more disciplined and different. I just had a different drug. A different fuel. And having to come to terms with that has been wild.
Sugar detox is very irritable. SMH lol
6th assumption about myself, - I’ve repeated this over and over again.
“I haven’t done ANYTHING this last 5 years. I’ve just been sitting Still”
I’ve said this SO. MANY. TIME. And I BELIVED IT! The other day in meditation I realized, I REMEMBERED, that between 2020 and 2022. I did a whole whole whole whole lot.
I had 27 dental appointments between 2020 - 22
I had multiple virtual performance videos that I put together by myself. In my crowded little condo. by myself. No Engineer for my vocal or video, no one to set up the green screen. No one to do my make up. I did it by myself. Even ordering the screen, bringing it UP from the mail room ANDD setting it up. AND THEN MAKIGN THE PERFORMANCE.
In post productions my band involved playing their parts. and an audio mix engineer and video editor. Would it it all together, But MY PART, I did it BY MYSELF. Normally I’d have a team around me for that.
Between 2020 - 2023, I lived in three different places. Like they say, life’s three great stressors are: death of a loved, divorce and moving. And remember moving is both, breaking down AND setting up a house. The final rental place, a loft in Atlanta was SO. EHAUSTIIIINNNGGG. The refrigerator broke. The water heater went out. The BATHROOM FLOODED, CRAZYYYY ALL OUT INTO THE HALLWAYS, in the MIDDLE OF A VERY EXPENISVE CLASS THAT I STILL PAID FULL PRICE FOR!. The basement storage unit flooded. And theeennn …
a STORM Blew my balcony doors open, and BLEW THROUGH MY HOUSE while I was away for the day … I was SHOCKED when I walked in.
After all of that, the owner told me I had to buy it or leave. I was ther for 10 months. Set up just enough to start feeling at home.
So, already exhausted, I jumped up and found an HOME TO BUY. The idea of anyone having that kind of control over my basic sense of safety needed to end. I moved into my home FALL of 2023. And THAT is when I crashed.
So the truth is, I’ve been doing nothing for 22 months, and I needed that rest. My body MADE me rest. And THAT is how I got here, detoxing from sugar. In my rest time, I went to my favorite drug ..sugaaarrrrrrrr.
What else would i expect?
On April 10 ( 14 days ago now)
I moved from my couch to my desk, (which for about a month thats about all I did) , and I sat there with the intention to create SOMEthing, and burst into tears.
I was DESPERATE to be by the ocean. to move through space, to just get out of the house! The 3 weeks before I’d been sitting on the couch, in the actual dark, shades drawn, kind of enjoying having a reason to isolate, as I had to avoid the sun while my skin healed from a procedure . And honestly it was just a LESS SUNSHINY version of what I’ve been doing over the last 22 months.
So, April 12, I left. But not before I had a talk with my business manager, about how “I know it’s an irresponsible move but I HAVE TO GO. “
Instead, our talk was her simply giving me a budget … I was TRULY surprised. Lol
The WHOLE STORY, of doing nothing for 5 years and having to buy a house, culminated in … I CANT go.
NONE of that was true.
Just another story I’ve been telling myself.
I’m writing this, right now, from an island in the Pacific North West.
Taking lots of long walks and obviously I’ve been thinking about this a lot.
So, I’ve decided to start a practice, QUESTIONING MY TRUTHS.
When I ask, the answers are CLEAR. I just haven’t been ASKING.
So, now I have an asking practice. lol
I just giggled to myself at the thought of someone asking what my spiritual practice is like and I say, I have a prayer, meditation and asking practice. lol … I like that.
Soooooo like,,
Is being a vegan actually best for my body?
DO I eat clean?
Am I actually a night owl?
How much time do I RELLY like to spend alone?
Where DO I WANT TO LIVE?
WHAT DO I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING?
Is doing something new for a living a sad thing? Or have I literally just done everything in music that I WANT to do?
(That’s a conversation I’d love to have another time. the answers to THAT blew my mind. )
Do I like to keep the peace? Or was I doing that because my nervous system couldn’t really handle anything else?
I’d say my strongest sense of self was definition came at about 25 years old.
SURELY SHE wants different this at THIS BIG AGE.
What does SHE want in romantic partnership?
What wisdom has she gained about partnerships that she can now implement?
And how does she DRESS?
How does she exercise?
Does SHE want a DOG again?
Or MAYBE A CAT!!!???
Now THAT would be a nice surprise lol
a CAT!
From my windowsill on Whidbey Island Washington
Strength, Courage and Wisdom
India Arie
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